Now that I’m no longer a full-time lawyer and mom, I can’t help but wonder if my efforts to “have it all” ever came at the expense of my children or clients.
After decades as a lawyer—since 1986—and as a lawyer mom—since 1994—I know that juggling both roles hasn’t been easy. Two full-time commitments are, after all, a lot to manage. Yet as I look back, I believe the sacrifices I made were worthwhile, and the outcomes proved that balance, while challenging, was achievable.
Navigating Client Expectations
Working in personal injury law and with the support of my firm, I rarely encountered complaints from clients when I prioritized family obligations, whether rescheduling meetings for PTA events or meeting clients over the weekend at nearby coffee shops. On the rare occasion a client was unhappy, I encouraged them to seek another lawyer—and we both likely benefitted from the decision.
I often advise young lawyers to do the same. It’s rarely worth keeping a client who drains your energy, as they’re unlikely to ever be satisfied.
Maintaining Family Priorities
On the homefront, I don’t recall my children feeling neglected. They accepted mismatched clothes, inside-out sweatshirts, and occasional chaos with humor. What mattered was that they were always fed, clothed, and loved.
Determined to fight the stereotype of the overworked mom relying on takeout, I ensured home-cooked meals were the norm. My children’s well-being was never compromised, even if perfection wasn’t the goal.
When my eldest, now a lawyer himself, called early in his career to express how hard the job was, I was gratified that he hadn’t noticed just how hard I had worked.
Hard Work Pays Off
I spent the early years of my career working long hours to master my practice, a foundation that later allowed me to work more efficiently when I had to balance my role as a parent. While remote work wasn’t an option early on, I often returned to the office after the kids were asleep to ensure my clients received the attention they deserved.
Although this occasionally left me tired and cranky at home, my children understood the difference between “trial suit mom” and “casual mom.” They knew that once I was back in jeans and a sweatshirt, quality time—movies, restaurants, and ice cream—was on the agenda.
I often advise young lawyers to put in the hard work early in their careers while energy is on their side, knowing the effort will pay dividends later when personal obligations grow.
Support Makes It Possible
Having a supportive husband made all the difference. He shared household duties and took on many of the less glamorous parenting tasks. We also relied on two exceptional nannies—one for five years and another for 11—until my oldest got his driver’s license and could help with transportation.
I was also fortunate to work in a firm that offered flexibility, enabling me to focus on my family without sacrificing my career. My supervising attorney trusted my judgment and allowed me the freedom to manage my time as long as the work got done.
Very Good Is Good Enough
Ultimately, the work always got done—maybe not perfectly, but very well. That proved to be enough for my clients and key to my success.
I remind new lawyers that perfection isn’t necessary—consistent, high-quality work is. Hard work early on sets the stage for success, even when life demands greater balance later.
Did I Have It All?
Looking back, I believe I did have it all—at least by my own definition. Perfection was never the goal. My kids, mismatched clothes and all, were happy and healthy. My clients received excellent service, even if it occasionally meant a midnight trip back to the office.
It turns out, having it all was entirely possible—and well worth the effort.
