Like any workplace, even law firms sometimes need reminders about respectful interactions. Recently, on Ask A Manager, Alison Green addressed a question from an associate at a small law firm. The associate shared that at a work event, her choice to abstain from alcohol sparked rumors that she might be pregnant, leading to some uncomfortable conversations.
When they left the dinner, a colleague named Sara directly asked if the associate was pregnant. The associate explained she wasn’t drinking because she had a big party the following night and didn’t want to drink on consecutive evenings. Later, another colleague, Rose, confronted her, mentioning she’d heard the associate was “trying” and that there was speculation among their peers. Shocked, especially since Rose had been open about her own fertility challenges, the associate firmly replied that if she had news, she’d share it in due time, reiterating her reason for not drinking. Sara, nearby, chimed in, saying, “You don’t have to explain yourself,” yet Rose continued, suggesting that if their boss heard gossip, he’d be furious.
Green’s response empathized with the associate, calling out the colleagues’ behavior as invasive. She pointed out that there are many reasons someone might skip alcohol, from not wanting to drink two nights in a row, to health or personal preferences. The colleagues’ reaction was odd, and it might even reflect defensiveness about their own heavy drinking.
A law degree doesn’t make someone immune to gossip or invasive questions, as this scenario clearly shows.
